• Sue Doo

Self-care this Autumn – Self-Talk

We all spend a lot of time talking to ourselves, that silent dialogue, that mainly occurs in our head. Although occasionally I do find myself having a conversation, with myself, usually when I’m wandering round the supermarket or cleaning the house!

4 EASY - positive language swops

1- I should …… into I could…..

2- It’s all my fault! Into I got some things wrong here…..

3- I never should have ……. Into I’ve learnt so much from that experience……

4- They must think I’m ….. into I am doing this for me and that’s all that matters

Positive words strengthen our brain's frontal lobes and help us to keep physically, mentally, and emotionally positive, which in these uncertain times is essential.

The front area of our brain, otherwise known as, the prefrontal cortex is where we want to be functioning from. We make rational choices and decisions from this area of the brain and it's most likely where you are now, while reading this article.


Don’t be your feelings and emotions

“I am angry. I am sad. I am lonely or I am an idiot, I am so stupid!”

I bet we have all said these phrases at one time or another.

The ‘I am’ and then the descriptive word states that you are fixed in that state, there is no changing – whereas if we were to add a time frame or article to the statement

I’m angry, at the moment.

I feel sad today.

Today, I’m feeling lonely.

I’m being an idiot about the bag.

By making this subtle change we allow for the statements to be about now, this moment, or an item and just for today. By doing this we have embraced and encouraged the capacity and opportunity for change.

As parents it's also important how we talk to our children as we don’t want them to grow up suffering from low self-esteem or a perfectionist personality. By implementing these positive language patterns we can make a small change that has a huge impact.


Positive Parenting language hacks

1. Rather than saying just NO! – save this for dangerous situations – Aim to focus on what you do want – Please take the ball in the garden and play.

2. Encourage them rather than nagging – I love it when you help me lay the table.

3. Follow a negative feeling with a solution – I’m exhausted, I need a rest

This type of talk can fall into negative language patterns and as communication is an essential element for our continued happiness, feelings of self-worth, and confidence, we need to be aware when we are reacting this way and learn ways to change it. Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman, explore this in their book ‘Words can change your brain.’

Do you find that you compare yourself to others? Have a short fuse or turn inwards when the going gets tough, becoming silent and aggrieved?

By letting go of this negative self-talk we can help to build our self-esteem, feel calmer and more at peace.

Firstly, we must recognise when we are doing this ‘negative talk’ and then begin to change what we say to ourselves. I often say to clients would you talk to your best friend, partner, or child in the same way you speak to yourself? Have a go this week and see if you can change some of the negative talk in your head and around you in your home.

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